ITV: Dramatization-- May Not Have Happened Edition

Folks! FOLKS!

FOOOOOOLKS! Seriously Folks, it's a special day in Cityball-Land. There's some goings-ons a-goings on. So here we are, writing about such things.
Today, June 3 in the year of our lord (whoever/whatever that might be for each of us, that's a personal choice, the kind someone needs to make with their televisions at a very early age, and I'm not here to preach, but rather to celebrate -- though I will just say this, if you're not in some sort of church that holds the ideology that Mark-Paul Gosselaar is a prophet, then frankly you're going to hell, I mean the man has a silent A in his last name. Come on) Two-thousand and Eleven, we are officially celebrating the official launch of DcCityball's Official NEW-Look Website (officially speaking) DcCityball.com.

The launch of this website, in all its shiny-new and sleek glory (designed of course by the one and only Alison Strub, of $10,000 Pyramid fame) feels like a perfect commemorative day, a day to reminisce, not to be confused with a commemorative plate day, which is only when good company comes over for dinner, about the history of DcCityball. It's important, I think, to ask (and quite frequently, at least several times a week), "Where did we come from?" Well of course, none of us would be here without David Sack, our fearless leader/commissioner.
Had the idea for Cityball not sprung from his mind-loins over two decades ago, what the hell would we be doing on Sundays? Drugs? Prostitution? Hobbies? Family time? We can only speculate.

AND YEEETTTT.......If not for one fateful event on one even more fateful day in 1985, things could have turned out very, very differently.

Now folks, this story has never been told. So promise not to tell anybody. K? K.

...........................................

Setting: Exterior, Shopping Mall Parking Lot, Twin Pines California, October 26, 1985 (yes I had just turned 1, but I was a mature 1, Dave was, I don't know, 28?), 5:00am PST, etc.

Dave: I called you here, Brian to witness history.

Brian: What are you talkin' about, Doc? (my voice would also crack at inappropriate inflections, because I was 1 year old, remember and I called him Doc, because I couldn't pronounce my V's very well, I was one.)

Dave: I need to tell you a story about what happened to me this morning.
.................................................
Setting: Interior, Dave's House, I don't know, Massachusetts probably, October 26, 1985, 3:00 am EST.

Dave: So I was hanging something over my toilet when I slipped and hit my head on the toilet seat. I don't really remember what I was trying to hang, or why I would hang anything over the toilet, because of the concussion I got from banging my head into a toilet. But anyway, when I came to, I saw it -- The Chuck's Capacitor.

Me: The Chuck's Capacitor? Whats a capacitor? (I'm a one-year old.) Who is Chuck?
(actual Chuck may be larger)



Dave: I'm getting to that. For a one year old, you sure are impatient. Anyway, so I had a vision. There was a guy named Chuck, in these big futuristic (maybe 2010 or so-ish) sunglasses and he was drinking out of a red plastic cup, listening to music coming out of a white space-pod, and waving at tour buses. We have tour buses in 1985, right? Right. Anyway, as soon as I snapped out of my trance I drew this: The Chuck's Capacitor


Me: Wow, you have terrible handwriting. And I should know. I'm one...so what does this all mean?

Dave: Well...I've given it a lot of thought. But I'm pretty sure I've finally figured out a way to do it. I think that with a little planning...enough people...the proper permits....I think I've just figured out a way to put together...a time machine.

Me: Really? Time travel? I mean, what about like, a softball league or something?

Dave: I don't really think that we could fit a whole softball league in a time machine.

Me: No, I mean..

Dave: Like maybe if it were like a big van... or a tour bus...I don't even know where I'd get permits for that kind of thing.

Me: Well what's this "DcCityball" thing that you scribbled on the bottom?

Dave: I just figured that would be a cool name for the machine...Kinda like the "Death Star", it would be like an American Gladiators AtlasSphere, which won't be in existence for another 4 years, but I also had a vision of that when I was trying to hang Christmas Lights in my kitchen and hit my head on the dishwasher door. And I just figured that DC would be the best city to time travel from, because you know how much I love Abe Lincoln.
You know like..."All aboard the DcCityBALL, next stop, Lincoln's Innaguration Speech!"

Me: I think you should really see a doctor. Your eyes are pretty dilated.....Anyway, the sketch says "Add sports" ?

Dave: Yea I just figured that the machine would run on exercise power, or sweat or something.

Me: Right. So why did you make me fly across the country from Pennsylvania all the way to this Shopping Mall Parking lot? I'm one.

Dave: Oh, I don't know. It just felt right for some reason. Can you help me hang this Wham! Poster on this street lamp?

Me: That doesn't seem like a great idea....your track record...and why..

Dave [falling]: Yeaaaaooowwww! I'm falliiiiiiinnng.

..............................

Me: Dave? Dave...wake up.

Dave: Andrew Ridgeley?

Me: No. What? No. It's Brian. You hit your head pretty hard. Probably hard enough that you might not even remember this story in another 25 years.

Dave: Brian! Of course! Of course! I've got it! It's Softball! I can see it now. [voice cracking] It's....beautiful. Five fields going at once, the Potomac River, Black Eyed Peas music, whatever that is, cheap domestic beer, sunburn...

Me: Grilling?

Dave: No, no grilling. They won't permit for that, I visioned. But softball. So much softball.

Me: What about like, kick-.

Dave: NO! We do not speak that word. But maybe like basketball at some point. And football. And you, you will be my umpire. Also, you will blog. It will be moderately popular for a time, then you will blog less and less, until you blog almost never at all because you will be getting two Master's degrees and working a full time job. And I wish I new what any of that sentence meant.

Me: Okay. Will I be payed?

Dave: Yeah, yeah. Sure. Now come on, let's get back to the East coast. Here, hop in this time machine I built while I was waiting for you to fly out here.

/end scene.

The rest, my friends, is history. The next 15 years, Dave fine tuned his idea. The next four, he looked for permits. Then, in 2004 the league was launched. The rest of that is...also...history.

So congratulations to Dave Sack, not only on the wild success of DcCityball, but also for the new beautiful and wildly functional (I bet those two words have never appeared together before) new Cityball Website. Be sure to check it out!

And also a special thanks to Dave for allowing me to be a part of the league for the past five and a half years. It's been a wonderful experience and I've made so many great friends and have a lot of great memories, and events that I don't quite remember clearly for whatever reason. And a special thanks to all of you out there, those that read this blog (all 7 of you) are wonderful, and everyone in the league, you guys make it way too fun for it to be considered a job.

A third special thanks to my good friend Alison Strub, for all her hard work on the new website. It looks wonderful, even though she doesn't know anything about sports.

Finally, a fourth and final thanks/shoutout to Maria, the first lady of ITV, on the day of our anniversary. Thanks for putting up with me, and keeping me company at the fields.


That's all for now Cityballas. Til next time, don't hang anything obscure around the house without someone to hold the ladder.

-Play Ball!

ITV: Seasonal Concerns Edition

Folks and other folks,

With one softball league just underway and another on the horizon, a lot of questions remain:

Who will win the championship?

With Bloop Single gone, who will take over the title of earliest showingup-est team?

How many teams will have Charlie Sheen-themed names? or chant #WINNING before the game starts?

Before he was officially knighted, did he just go by Mr. Mix-a-Lot?

What the hell is a Rathskellar?

13 years after the fact, approximately what percentage is P Diddy still about the Benjamins? 80%? 65?

Whats a better nickname for the human balloon pitching in the Yankees bullpen? Joba the Hut? Morbidly Jobese Chamberlain? Fat Pitcher? (probably not that last one)

Has anyone ever said the words "fucking plié" consecutively?

Wheelbarrows?

Why do storks get a free pass?

Whats the opportunity cost?

.........and many more!


We'll just have to wait until the season to finally get some answers.

The truth is out there folks!


Play ball!


-ITV

ITV: Catchering Up...you know, like, catching up, but a sports thing!

Greetings City-Ballas,
ITV here. And yes, in the famous words of Jesus, "it's been a while." Also, that Stain'd song (is that how you spell Stain'd? is that how you spell song?) I suppose.
So many things to say and do, but mostly say, because you can't see anything I do, which is good for you and for me.
First, some congratulations are in order. Our own Erin Williams and someone else's own Mike Usera (he's partially ours too) have decided to publicly exchange jewelry with the purpose of law-backed monogamy and tax benefits!Also, like, love. Congratulations, friends, on your engagement, and however you say 'mozel tov' in Spanish!

Secondly, though no less importantly, your commissioner and mine, David Bartholomew Orin Sack tied the knot with his, well, wife, right cause it happened already, yes, his lovely wife Leslie Bartholomew Orin Drogin-Sack (you take ALL the names, even the fake ones). The wedding was beautiful and beautiful and beautiful. I wrote them a postcard from the hotel (as per their request) about gremlins -- the postcard was per request, not the gremlins, though I believe it was implied.
Note: I'm not going to say who, or when, or what, but I will tell you when and what, that one of our close personal friends of DC Cityball had so much fun at the wedding that he/she was seen trying to plug his iPod into a wireless internet router at 2am.
Anyway: Congratulations Leslie and Dave, and thank you for sharing your happiness and beer with me. Also veal burgers.

What else to catch up on you say? or think? or don't do either because you don't read this blog to begin with? Well, I would say, in response to that, plenty! (Or nothing to the people who don't read this, cause you can't hear/see it anyway.)

First, the new season(s) are upon us. No, not Winter, Spring, Fall, and whatever the Babylonians have decided Summer should be called. Talkin' softball/wiffleball/volleyball/football...not so much wiffleball and volleyball because I have nothing to do with those.....but... THE OTHER TWO! YES!

Keep an eye out for early spring Flag Football, and of course, the coup de grace, the flagship,the money-maker the...the big...thing -- SOFTBALL. Yea, that's happening too.

Okay so maybe there isn't all that much to catch up on, and maybe that's why the blog sits dormant for months at a time. Whatever, its free.

More to come -- now that the blog is linked on the main page, I suppose I have to write more frequently.


Holla, and such.

-ITV