7000 HITS!

InTheVicnity is proud and grateful to announce its 7000th Hit! Thanks to all our loyal readers and keep the hits coming!

Don't forget to read the latest post below, titled : The Quiet Storm!

Many thanks,

ITV

ITV DEYP II: The Quiet Storm

So it's Wednesday, September 24 and I think it's safe to say that we've all recovered, more or less, from the latest DcCityBall End of the Year Party (I say more or less because my voice is still pretty much shredded and I can't get the words to Livin' on a Prayer out of my skull). So it's time to look back, make some observations and form a few insightful reflections.

First off, thanks to everyone who has sent in pictures -- I'm still sorting through them and compiling a list of nominees, but they're great and I really appreciate it.
The picture featured on the blog today, sent in by Bayside Tiger 2nd base-lady A. Cavanagh, quite aptly represents the mood of the party. No, not because it was all a drunken blur of lights and air-guitar, mozzarella sticks and mop-dancing, flip-cup and armless drumming. NO! I say. It is ( and this is some f*ckin deep-Oprah's-couch- sh*t so get your handkerchiefs) because for once, the DEYP was a coming together of a league!

Oh yeah I said it. This party was smaller, shorter, probably less disorderly than previous get-togethers...but you know what? I had a damn good night. The teams did more than mingle this time out -- everyone seemed to really mesh and it became a party among friends, rather than just a collection of segregated teams, already established in their drunken camaraderie.

This is not to say that other parties were confrontational or even tentative, but it just really felt like on Sunday everybody got along and had fun. The words "intimate" and "charming" have been thrown around to describe the party...mayhaps. But the bottom line is that is was another successful party!

As I said before, ITV is still sorting through all the wonderful pictures so the longest post, the recap, is still to come later in the week. This post is really just a shout-out to those of you in attendance. The witnesses, I suppose...like Lebron James' tshirts or whatever.

Meanwhile, congratulations to the Perfect Strangers and to the Bayside Tigers for having such impressive days. An extra Congrats to the Strangers for capturing the title, bookending the inaugural 5 seasons of DcCityBall by winning our first and latest championship.

Also, thanks to the one PourHowzers member who showed up. Good times, I won't out you.

Anyway, next post will have more of the recap details, picture awards, and zany anecdotes to which you've grown so accustomed.

Let me leave you today, with a little insight to the events of the party:

As you all know, DcCityBall Umpire Henry Thayer has recently relocated to New York City, New York and is no longer with the DC offices, but I thought it important for the people of DcCityBall to know the reasons why.

Back in June, Commissioner David Sack attended the National Boy-and-Girl Softball Convention (or BAGS-CON), in Butte, Montana to catch up on all 2008 softball rule and mandate reforms. Among other changes (the banning of barbecue flavored sunflower seeds, the restriction of tube sock length to under 12 inches from ankle to calf, and after years of battling, the formal recognition of the rally cap as an accepted hat style) the main topic of debate at BAGS-CON was umpire facial hair. The result was this:
The 2008 Mandate on Umpire Mustache Uniformity (MUMU). Article 3 of section 1 of said decree clearly states :

We, the governing body of Boy-Girl Semi-Competitive Softball, shall hereupon recognize the following two(2) and only two(2) facial hair styles as official, within our leagues : 1)Clean-shaven 2) Fully bearded. Any facial style not conforming to the aforementioned mandate will require immediate alteration or the host of said facial hair will face official reprimand.

Normally, such a decree would have little to no effect on DcCityBall -- Jon Macy and Ryan Hemingway are clean-shaven, Dave Sack and myself are usually fully bearded, and Erin Williams is a female, but this year we employed a young barbed rebel by the name of Henry Thayer.

News of the MUMU decree sent Thayer into an unshaven rage. Unable to fully grow a beard which covers his entire sub-nasal facial hemisphere, and unwilling to shave cleanly because his child-like appearance keeps him from purchasing cigarettes and renting cars, Thayer went on a hairy warpath. Though verbally reprimanded weekly by the Commissioner, Henry defiantly worked his way from banned stache to banned stache, creating a veritable quilt-work of American facial hair history.

First, he grew a pencil thin John Waters which quickly morphed into the equally dramatic Vincent Price.

The Price begot the Burt Reynolds, and Reynolds begot a full on Selleck.
Fu-Manchu to the fabled Burnside, Thayer spat in the face of BAGS-CON.

Aside from creating an on- and off-field distraction, Henry Thayer was disrespecting the governing body of the sport we all hold dear. Finally, as the playoffs approached, Commissioner Sack decided that Thayer, despite his prodigious potential as an official, was doing the league more harm than good. Sack transferred the young umpire to a northern affiliate.

Flash forward to earlier this September when the governing body met again to discuss the fallout from the MUMU decree : Realizing, thanks to Jason Giambi that alternative stache-styles DO have a place on the diamond, the body rescinds the former decision.

Commissioner Sack, forced to swallow his pride, welcomes Thayer back with "open arms."



But Henry, never one to forget a grudge, has something to say:



Luckily, because of the intense camaraderie of the latest DEYP, the hatchet was finally buried, and Thayer, though still working for our NYC affiliate, has officially been reinstated as a DcCityBall official, and will be welcome to officiate any time he is in town.





Now you know the whole story.
Check back later in the week, or early next week for a few new posts, including a photo-recap of the party.
Till then, watch your stubble.
-Play ball!

ITV: Oh God, the Sun Edition

Some minor musings to chew on, for the time being (before a more thoughtful and provocative post):

-Waking up at 615 this morning for work, I was radiatively attacked by the monstrosity of a star which heats up this otherwise fine planet. Still hungover and under-rested, I rasped (yes rasped because my voice is all but gone...so much so that I actually sounded a lot like Sean Matthews saying,) "Oh god....the sun," but it a much less emphatic manner.

-I'm not gonna lie. I had pretty much a lot of fun. Yes.

-My face literally hurts from laughing/screaming....also Meatloaf singing.

-I'm really really tired.

-Henry had the most awesomest shirt ever.

-Last night was kind of sad, as it will be several months before the next spring/summer season resumes....onto the Fall!

-I'm also sad that summer is over.

-Evan danced with a mop. Again.

-People fell really hard. Very funny.

-No one threw up in the sink.

-Someone took pictures of me without arms. Sadly I remember why.

-This was a much smaller crowd, and everyone had stuff to do the next day, so the party was over by 11. Still, a fun time was had by all.

There's more to come, for sure, including my new link to Travis Knight, and updates thereupon, and even some awards, as the pictures roll in.

Please send us your photos at fitz.dccityblog@gmail.com

Good times.
-Play ball!

ITV: Championship Showdown Edition!

Now you see why I'm umpiring softball instead of painting pictures...

So here we are guys and gals, strolling into Championship weekend like we own the place....or something...and sure, I see some familiar faces -- AAR, the Swingers, Masterbatters, Bayside etc., all have their Championship Weekend Membership Cards firmly in hand, full of so many star-shaped hole punches that I believe this weekend they each qualify for a free Blimpie's Best Sub of equal or lesser value to their previous purchase.
BUT then there's Stiff Competition and the Big Deals -- the new guys. They're standing in line, looking around, squinting at signs, asking stupid questions -- "I've got to take my SHOES off too? What the hell could I hide in my shoes?!"

These two teams, if I'm not mistaken, are completely new to this level of the playoffs, but as it appears that they are playing each other, one of them will advance even deeper. The Big Deals are the DcCityBall equivalent to the 2008 Tampa Bay Rays -- both used the the momentum behind a team name change to spur them into the playoffs. The Devil Rays and Gang Green went nowhere; The Rays and The Big Deals are poised to make history.
Stiff Competition on the other hand are a lot like......I don't know..some other team who is way better this year than last. Make your own damn analogy...lazy asses.

So we've got a pack full of grizzled veterans and at least one Cinderella in the final four. So who comes out of this mess?
Let's see what we're working with here:

Big Deals @ Stiff Competition 10:30am Field 5

Perfect Strangers @ Pour Howzers 10:30am Field 4

Bayside Tigers @ MasterBatters 12:00pm Field 4

A.A.R. @ Swingers 12:00pm Field 5


For the sake of sparing hurt feelings, and also because I don't feel like writing my way through all of these match ups, I'll just flash forward to what I think is the most likely Championship scenario. Let's skip ahead and not get into who beats whom. If I had to venture a guess as to the final game....I'd say we're looking at AAR vs Pourhowzers, if that's possible...NL..AL...who knows...but yes let's go with that.
Why? you ask. Well first off, it's unfortunate that Bloop Single v. AAR had to be played so early in the playoffs...that's kinda the Suns/Spurs match up, and a pretty apt analogue, I think. The flash vs the form, if you will. Which I will.
So AAR apparently won that game, and I thought those two teams had a great shot at the championship. Thus, AAR gets the nod.
The there's the Pourhowzers, DcCityball's own Atlanta Braves. Kings of the regular season, yet not much to show for it. Is this the year?

So we got AAR vs Pourhowzers, theoretically in the championship game. What would keep either team from winning?

AAR -- Consistency. As it's been said before, this team can put up 15 in the first inning of any given game, but often fails to keep their foot on the gas. They seem to let up or become complacent after an offensive explosion and then find themselves scrambling to hang onto wins. That will not do in against the league's best.

Howzers -- Grit. The team has a tendency to wilt a bit in the playoffs against superior competition. They need to go in un-intimidated, even if playing a better team. Championships aren't won against McLovin.

So who wins this game? and how?
Well I'm not actually picking, because I'm officiating this game. So let's just give two scenarios -- AAR scores 7 in the first and never looks back. They win 17-11; Pourhowzers loosen up and play solid defense, forcing AAR to fly out 15+ times. They win 14-10.

I know, you're saying, "Hey what about the Swingers? They won it all in the spring? What about the Masterbatters? They've been there before. What about Bayside? You said you'd never pick against them." I know...you're right. All valid points. The problem is this: only 2 teams can get there, and the number of capable teams grows each season. Any of the teams still standing can win it all, but only one will do so. We're looking at different teams from just a few months ago in most of these situations. I think AAR and Pourhowzers have the best shot, but that will remain to be seen until Sunday of course.


So what now? Well first of all, if you are NOT playing at all this Sunday, come down to the fields and watch a few games. It will be a nice day. Get some drinks, throw on your uni's and watch your league-mates do their thang.
If you ARE playing Sunday, but lose, come to the party. Come to the damn party. It's fun.

Seriously, the party is a great way to get to know your fellow Cityballa's and competitors. Who knows, you may even form a special bond with a rival.

Here is a list of people invited to the party:

-DcCityBall players
-DcCityBall staff members
-Loved ones of DcCityBall players and staff members
- Andrew Walker

Here is a list of people NOT invited to the party:

-Kickball players
-Horse-mounted policemen
-People who swim in the Potomac
-Men who carry change purses, even leather ones
-Men who wear more than one collared shirt at a time
-Anyone that smells like Axe
-Anyone who knows the last names of The Hills characters
-Anyone who calls me Ryan
-Women who punch people when they get drunk
-A sober Jon Macy
-Anyone with a permanently implanted bluetooth earpiece
-Any surviving Golden Girls cast members
-Anyone who thinks I am Dave, and thinks Dave is just a lonely softball aficionado
-Anyone wearing a Mets jersey, post Rico Brogna era
-Anyone who stores a handkerchief up their sleeve, not performing magic
-Anyone who performs magic
-Anyone who thinks tipping the bartenders is optional
-Anyone who plays $20 worth of Bon Jovi just to be ironic
-Anyone on the Shaggers who never showed up for a game
-Sarah Palin

Come to the party folks, my name is Brian.
-Play ball!

10 Championship Weekend Notes: 9/17

Hello Friends!
We're quickly approaching the final day of the 2008 Summer season so there are just a few important things to mention.

1. You should check back tomorrow for the Tri-Anual DcCityball End of the Year Party (DEYP as Dave likes to call it) Blog Post! No, I will not be doing another Survival Guide, because the last one has not yet become obsolete ( you can read Survival Guide 1.0 HERE, if you'd like), BUT I will be compiling an epic and thorough listing of reasons that you and your teammates SHOULD attend! So make sure to check that out.

2. Since I was away last weekend, I do not actually know who is still playing, so no championship preview quite yet, but check back Thursday or Friday, cause it's coming!

3. Grizzly Bears are rebounding from near extinction. Good for them.

4. Most importantly : DcCityball and InTheVicinity excitedly welcome their youngest fan and future player, Amos, newest member of the Sharks w/ Freakin Laserbeams! Congratulations Mike and Corrine...his umpire training begins in October.

5. Tom Jones has a new album coming out. Good for him.

6. Tom Jones is still alive, apparently...good for him.

7. I won last weekend in Fantasy football....it's all very exciting.

8. I still haven't seen the Dark Knight, so stop asking me.

9. In an effort to keep pace with the rapidly-assembled-mediocre-sandwich conglomerates, Blimpie has reduced the price of their 12" subs to a mere $5. Take that Quiznos!!

10. Finally, treasured friend of InTheVicnity and UCONN center Travis Knight, our own Henry Thayer, has left the District of Columbia in search of his piece of the American dream. We at ITV would like to wish Henry the best of luck in all future endeavors and we hope that he'll come visit soon, so as not to forever deprive us all of his boyish mustachioed charm. Good night sweet prince...and goodluck to the Twins.

That's it for today folks, more to come tomorrow!
Take it easy, and bundle up...it's chilly out there.

-Play Ball!

ITV: You can't spell QUALITY without Q&A! Edition

Folks, it's September, and you know what that means: the days are getting shorter, the Nats are almost mathematically eliminated, and you all are brimming with questions for the folks at DcCityBall!


I've got some things to get off my chest about the past few weeks, so here's another Q&A session.

Let us get to it. As always the questions come from you...in one way or another.

Q.
Dear DcCityBall,
How do you feel about forfeits?
Sincerely,
Gameless in Seattle

A.
Not good, Gameless. Not good. You see, as we've addressed before forfeits are
lame. In fact, forfeits could easily be referred to as "four-feits" because they
suck thusly, four-fold: 1) They leave your opponent with no one to play, after they've already sacrificed the time out of their day to come to the fields and show up on time. 2) They leave the umpire with nothing to do, and having to explain to the opponent why they've wasted their Sunday afternoon. 3) It makes the league look lame to new teams, other leagues, and general passersby. The league is not lame, it in fact, is very well-run and forfeits belie that fact. 4) Finally, every time a forfeit rings, an angel catches fire.

Now, now, I understand that sometimes it happens -- your number 8 and 9 players are a couple and this weekend they're attending an Arby's franchising orientation in Cedar Rapids, or the game coincides with your team-band's final stop on their west coast university coffeehouse tour, or the Antiques Roadshow is in town and your captain bought tickets for everyone batting .400 and above....I get it, sometimes you just can't make it. But there are teams out there -- and you know who you are -- who continue to disappoint, week in and week out. Weak.


Q.
Dear DcCityBall,
How do you feel about fake tags?
Sincerely,
Torn ACL in Scranton

A.
Dear Torn, not good. Not good, Torn. You see, I know a guy who was running home one time on a homerun ball that would have tied the game in a late inning. He was coming in hard and, despite the fact that the ball was still in the outfield, and his teammates were yelling things like "Up!" and "You got it, slow it down," he flinched at the sight of an overzealous catcher faking a tag at the plate. The runner tried to change direction quickly, so as to avoid said tag. His knee gave out and he tore his ACL and MCL.

That sucks, right? Now get this. He was a laborer and didn't happen to have excellent medical coverage, and, found that he couldn't qualify for workman's comp. He was out of work for months and things got pretty tight for a while. Luckily his wife had a nice job, and they got through it. But you can image an scenario in which things could have really sucked, can't you? Fake tag's not looking so clever anymore, is it?

Q.
Dear D-Bizzle,
We pay good money to play in this league. Shouldn't we be able to have fun and do what we want? Why you always comin' down on us?
Sincerely,
Confused about what a Tirade is, in Lansing.

A.
No. On all fronts. While DcCityball more than appreciates each and every one of your patronages (can't believe thats a word) I believe (not speaking for the Commish here) that the price is EXTREMELY reasonable and is, in fact, much more affordable than ANY other league in the area which provides umpires, actual fields, bases, balls, and a blog. Seriously its like 30 bucks a person or something for most average sized teams. You can't even buy a pornographic movie on BlueRay© disc at BestBuy this past Saturday for that kind of money! It's a date to the movies; it's two of the 3 easy payments for the Magic Bullet© Express chopper; its not what I would call "good money" when trying to gain leverage in a debate.

Secondly, you're paying for access to a service; it's not a privilege. Whether you spend 7 dollars or 300 dollars on a baseball ticket, if you get out of line you will be asked to leave -- money has nothing to do with it.
You need to show the officials respect, because they always show it to you from the start.
You have to keep this in mind -- even though you've handed over your hard earned cash, the umpires are still providing YOU a service. They are coming out on a Sunday morning to work so that you can play in an intramural game. You are not playing that game so that we can get in some practice for our big umpiring exam at the end of the fall.

We do not work FOR you, however. I work for DcCityball's owner. And I perform a service for the players. I expected to be treated with respect, addressed by name or by "Blue" and spoken to the same way you would speak to a respected colleague.
Granted, I joke around with those of you I'm familiar with, and it's perfectly fine to joke back and have fun. But you cannot expect to get away with the same kind of behavior on every other umpire's field.
You should approach every new umpire like you are attending dinner at a stranger's house. Be polite and respectful. They are in charge. It's a private league with it's own rules which you have agreed to follow by signing up.

If a player yells at me, curses at me, or gets out of line in any way, I usually yell back. An older, wiser official won't waste that time or aggravation. Rightfully so, you will be ejected.

PS. A tirade is, as defined, a "prolonged outburst of bitter, outspoken denunciation"...Just so we're clear from now on.

Okay we've got time for one more question.

Q.
Hey DCB...what with the no blog posts?!
Signed,
Annie, Bloop Single

A.
Dear Annie, and all other inquirers,

I really do apologize with the half-assedness I've shown the blog as of late. Sure I've got excuses, I'm working 3 jobs and going to grad school full time, but I'm not looking for sympathy, just understanding.
I too am disappointed with the amount of time, or lack thereof, that I've been able to devote to the site the past month or two, but I'm actively trying to change that.
I'm seriously very happy, and flattered that a few of you have actually asked about the blog, and that you seem to genuinely want to read more, so I am going to post more frequently, I promise.
I'm not going to do a full playoff preview of all the opening round games, unless I can somehow find a way to tie it into comparative lit theory...it's just too much and there wasn't enough turnover in the league between the spring and summer for there to be any kind of novel source material. I will, however, do a playoff analysis for perhaps the 2nd, but most likely the final 2 rounds of matchups. So look for that in coming days.

Finally a lot of you (maybe 5 total..which is a lot) have told me that you just refresh the page to see a new post at random times. I feel bad for wasting your time, so either sign up for Google Reader, with our URL if you care to, or keep in mind that I'm, from now on, trying to keep to a Wed-Thursday and Saturday morning posting schedule, as I have work and class all day on monday and tuesday, and work on various times wed-thurs-friday. Anyway, keep reading, as I promise there will be more to read.



Anyway, they tell me I should end with a joke...so here goes.

So a pirate walks into a bar, with a parrot on his shoulder and a ships steering wheel down his pants (one of those wooden jobs with the handles all about..whatever the f*ck they call em). He says to the bartender, he says, "Yarr" As a pirate has been known to say, he says "Yarr, give me a shot of rum"
The bartender gives him a shot of rum and then asks, "Hey, Mr. Pirate. I gotta know...what the hell are you doing?"

The pirate looks at him and says "What's it look like? I'm drinkin me rum."

The bartender says, "No, no, I gotta know what's with that steering wheel down your pants?"

The pirate drinks his rum and says, "Oh, that?....It's drivin me nuts!"



Some old guy told me that one time.....anyway, thanks folks. See you Sunday.

-Play ball!