Folks, it's September, and you know what that means: the days are getting shorter, the Nats are almost mathematically eliminated, and you all are brimming with questions for the folks at DcCityBall!
I've got some things to get off my chest about the past few weeks, so here's another Q&A session.
Let us get to it. As always the questions come from you...in one way or another.
Q.
Dear DcCityBall,
How do you feel about forfeits?
Sincerely,
Gameless in Seattle
A.
Not good, Gameless. Not good. You see, as we've addressed before forfeits are
lame. In fact, forfeits could easily be referred to as "four-feits" because they
suck thusly, four-fold: 1) They leave your opponent with no one to play, after they've already sacrificed the time out of their day to come to the fields and show up on time. 2) They leave the umpire with nothing to do, and having to explain to the opponent why they've wasted their Sunday afternoon. 3) It makes the league look lame to new teams, other leagues, and general passersby. The league is not lame, it in fact, is very well-run and forfeits belie that fact. 4) Finally, every time a forfeit rings, an angel catches fire.
Now, now, I understand that sometimes it happens -- your number 8 and 9 players are a couple and this weekend they're attending an Arby's franchising orientation in Cedar Rapids, or the game coincides with your team-band's final stop on their west coast university coffeehouse tour, or the Antiques Roadshow is in town and your captain bought tickets for everyone batting .400 and above....I get it, sometimes you just can't make it. But there are teams out there -- and you know who you are -- who continue to disappoint, week in and week out. Weak.
Q.
Dear DcCityBall,
How do you feel about fake tags?
Sincerely,
Torn ACL in Scranton
A.
Dear Torn, not good. Not good, Torn. You see, I know a guy who was running home one time on a homerun ball that would have tied the game in a late inning. He was coming in hard and, despite the fact that the ball was still in the outfield, and his teammates were yelling things like "Up!" and "You got it, slow it down," he flinched at the sight of an overzealous catcher faking a tag at the plate. The runner tried to change direction quickly, so as to avoid said tag. His knee gave out and he tore his ACL and MCL.
That sucks, right? Now get this. He was a laborer and didn't happen to have excellent medical coverage, and, found that he couldn't qualify for workman's comp. He was out of work for months and things got pretty tight for a while. Luckily his wife had a nice job, and they got through it. But you can image an scenario in which things could have really sucked, can't you? Fake tag's not looking so clever anymore, is it?
Q.
Dear D-Bizzle,
We pay good money to play in this league. Shouldn't we be able to have fun and do what we want? Why you always comin' down on us?
Sincerely,
Confused about what a Tirade is, in Lansing.
A.
No. On all fronts. While DcCityball more than appreciates each and every one of your patronages (can't believe thats a word) I believe (not speaking for the Commish here) that the price is EXTREMELY reasonable and is, in fact, much more affordable than ANY other league in the area which provides umpires, actual fields, bases, balls, and a blog. Seriously its like 30 bucks a person or something for most average sized teams. You can't even buy a pornographic movie on BlueRay© disc at BestBuy this past Saturday for that kind of money! It's a date to the movies; it's two of the 3 easy payments for the Magic Bullet© Express chopper; its not what I would call "good money" when trying to gain leverage in a debate.
Secondly, you're paying for access to a service; it's not a privilege. Whether you spend 7 dollars or 300 dollars on a baseball ticket, if you get out of line you will be asked to leave -- money has nothing to do with it.
You need to show the officials respect, because they always show it to you from the start.
You have to keep this in mind -- even though you've handed over your hard earned cash, the umpires are still providing YOU a service. They are coming out on a Sunday morning to work so that you can play in an intramural game. You are not playing that game so that we can get in some practice for our big umpiring exam at the end of the fall.
We do not work FOR you, however. I work for DcCityball's owner. And I perform a service for the players. I expected to be treated with respect, addressed by name or by "Blue" and spoken to the same way you would speak to a respected colleague.
Granted, I joke around with those of you I'm familiar with, and it's perfectly fine to joke back and have fun. But you cannot expect to get away with the same kind of behavior on every other umpire's field.
You should approach every new umpire like you are attending dinner at a stranger's house. Be polite and respectful. They are in charge. It's a private league with it's own rules which you have agreed to follow by signing up.
If a player yells at me, curses at me, or gets out of line in any way, I usually yell back. An older, wiser official won't waste that time or aggravation. Rightfully so, you will be ejected.
PS. A tirade is, as defined, a "prolonged outburst of bitter, outspoken denunciation"...Just so we're clear from now on.
Okay we've got time for one more question.
Q.
Hey DCB...what with the no blog posts?!
Signed,
Annie, Bloop Single
A.
Dear Annie, and all other inquirers,
I really do apologize with the half-assedness I've shown the blog as of late. Sure I've got excuses, I'm working 3 jobs and going to grad school full time, but I'm not looking for sympathy, just understanding.
I too am disappointed with the amount of time, or lack thereof, that I've been able to devote to the site the past month or two, but I'm actively trying to change that.
I'm seriously very happy, and flattered that a few of you have actually asked about the blog, and that you seem to genuinely want to read more, so I am going to post more frequently, I promise.
I'm not going to do a full playoff preview of all the opening round games, unless I can somehow find a way to tie it into comparative lit theory...it's just too much and there wasn't enough turnover in the league between the spring and summer for there to be any kind of novel source material. I will, however, do a playoff analysis for perhaps the 2nd, but most likely the final 2 rounds of matchups. So look for that in coming days.
Finally a lot of you (maybe 5 total..which is a lot) have told me that you just refresh the page to see a new post at random times. I feel bad for wasting your time, so either sign up for Google Reader, with our URL if you care to, or keep in mind that I'm, from now on, trying to keep to a Wed-Thursday and Saturday morning posting schedule, as I have work and class all day on monday and tuesday, and work on various times wed-thurs-friday. Anyway, keep reading, as I promise there will be more to read.
Anyway, they tell me I should end with a joke...so here goes.
So a pirate walks into a bar, with a parrot on his shoulder and a ships steering wheel down his pants (one of those wooden jobs with the handles all about..whatever the f*ck they call em). He says to the bartender, he says, "Yarr" As a pirate has been known to say, he says "Yarr, give me a shot of rum"
The bartender gives him a shot of rum and then asks, "Hey, Mr. Pirate. I gotta know...what the hell are you doing?"
The pirate looks at him and says "What's it look like? I'm drinkin me rum."
The bartender says, "No, no, I gotta know what's with that steering wheel down your pants?"
The pirate drinks his rum and says, "Oh, that?....It's drivin me nuts!"
Some old guy told me that one time.....anyway, thanks folks. See you Sunday.
-Play ball!
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