I know folks, it's been over a week since our last post. Where are the recaps? the funny observations on the pros and cons of McDonald's new Chicken Biscuit Breakfast Spectacular©? and what of the Off Base© Interview votes??
Yes, yes we'll get to that, all in good time, I assure you. But first, let me, as one's been known to say, "break it down" for you all -- I have no f*cking idea what is going on in DcCityball.
I am ashamed to admit that. Personal scheduling conflicts and engagementa priori (that's Latin kind of)have forced me away from the lone, dimming, glimmer of hope in my otherwise shamble-riddled life. I don't know who is good and who is terrible. I don't know if this Jon Macy guy is real or not. I don't know where I am. I don't know your name. I don't know what this website is all about.
Alright, I know your name. It's Ryan. And I know who the losers are, that was a lie too. But I can, from now on, pledge my unflapping loyalty to intramural softball in all its glory! Go on, try to flap it. Can't do it, can you?
Anyway, four or one of you have been hounding me about what happened to the Interview poll, which at the time it was taken down, had reached nearly 1,000 votes ( beating previous polls in total voteage by 996).
Well it was taken down, frankly, because it got unfun and unfunny, really fast. Also because a representative from Travis Knight's office served me with an injunction for misuse of his image and misrepresentation of his hair-length.
Honestly, the interview idea was just supposed to be another medium for absurdity to reign, but the voting got out of hand and it just became a contest of who could waste more time at work and most alienate their distant relatives through mass-emails.
ITV has, however, tried to tally the votes which we knew were both sincere and legitimate, and the results are looking pretty close.
Much in the fashion of the heated 2000 national election, it appears that while Justin Kolikof won the popular vote, Evan Stancil has, thus far, captured the Electoral plurality, winning the following team-states:
- Swing(er) state, "North Sackota"
-"Burt Hillinois"
- All of the Umpire "Blue States"
- "A-A-arkansas"
- "Potomac River-Tuckey"
- "Myoclonic Jer-sey"
- The 2 seceded states, "Have you Tenneseen my Softball?" and "Summer of Georg-ia"
-"Hot Stover-mont"
- "Liquid Cor-egon"
- and, the highly contested "Colorado-State-Rams-Delaware, "
with Travis Knight playing the role of Ross Perot, Pat Buchanan, and Ralph Nader combined, and Commissioner David Sack playing the irrelevant role of Alan Keyes.
We're still tallying votes, and we do expect a lengthy appeals process, recounts, and hopefully a graceful concession by the losing party. More on that later in the week.
In all seriousness, I do apologize for the lack of site activity the past 2 weeks, but some things have come up, and it's hard to get away from certain responsibilities when your only real excuse is "I need to publish snarky comments about Color Me Badd and somehow relate it to the HotStovers-Pourhowzers game on Sunday," even though that's usually what I'd rather be doing.
So anyway, I hope that you'll all forgive my absence and that I haven't lost too many of my 9 original readers during this span. It's surprisingly tough to write anything softball-related, even about Travis Knight, when you haven't been there for a game in almost a month. But, I'm back this Sunday, and genuinely looking forward to it, sad though it may be.
As far as the league goes, Commish Dave Sack is out this week, leaving the league in the very capable hands of Deputy Commissioner Ryan Hemingway. Respect his authori-ta and things will go smoothly. Secondly, feel free to compliment some of us on how stylish we look in our new, lightweight, breathable uniforms. Thirdly, don't take candy from strangers, unless it's good candy, and the strangers are very, very attractive.
Whirred.
-Play ball!
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