Welcome one and all to the 1st Bi-Annual Dccityball Awards Show Spectacular(or B.A.D.A.S.S)! This is where we give formal recognition to those who went above and beyond in their performances at the Spring 2008 DcCityball End of the Year Party! It looks like all the big stars have arrived -- Dave Sack, Evan Stancil, Eric Gregg's ghost!
Just like the Oscars, the Emmys, and the Latin People's Choice Awards, all the good trophies get handed out later in the broadcast, so tonight we're handing out the "technical" awards. Tomorrow night we'll find out who won the big prize "Best DEYP Performance" among others, but there are plenty of accolades to be doled out this fine evening.
Let get things started:
1st Category: Most Championly
This category seeks to find the team which most displays the qualities of a champion -- mostly by winning a championship, and having the trophy. The award goes to........
THE SWINGERS!...they won the friggin cup..were you surprised?
2nd Category: The If They Can Do It Then There's Hope for Israel and Palestine Award
And the Winners Are........
Swinger Evan Stancil and Bayside Tiger Matt Mense. These two put aside their differences for the sake of the league, nay, the sake of the party. That's called brotherhood folks. Brotherhood. How did it go down? Well I was lucky enough to witness the turning point in this feud.
They were fighting, brawling in fact. Throwing hay maker after brutal hay maker, when someone in the background of the bar shouted to the bartender, "Hey, can you put on the WNBA game?" At just that moment both Evan and Matt froze, mid punch, and said in unison, "I love the WNBA....They got next!"...They laughed and laughed and laughed, then posed for the above picture. DcCityBall: Bringing people together since last Sunday.
The next category is a sad one, but one that must be handed out, nonetheless.
3rd Category: Loneliest Swinger
Stacil!
Apparently the Swingers had heard enough about how good Kung Fu Panda was. Sorry Stancil.
4th Category: Most Stoic Umpire
And the winner is...
Yours truly! Seriously stoic. For real. Totally indifferent, look at it....... Stoic.
Honorable Mention:
Me again! This photo was actually taken right as I was being abducted by aliens, apparently.
5th category: Best Commissionering in a Comedy, Drama, or Party
And the winner is.....
Commissioner Dave Sack! Yes, folks, I've worked in a lot of Dc Intramural Softball leagues, and have been to a lot of end of the year parties (NFL, NBA, NASCAR, WWE) and the commissioner usually hangs out in his ivory tower, turning his nose up at the common folk. But not our Dave. No, our fearless leader jumps right into the mix with his league, getting his hands dirty, mingling among the people and making faces like this. Good leaders lead by example; great leaders throw badass parties.
The Final Category for this evening is a new category, much like best Rap Album was new to the Grammy's in 1996 (I had a joke in here about the winner in both circumstances being "Naughty by Nature," because NBN won the first rap grammy..and that's a funny reference to me, but it read kinda over the top homoerotic.....anyway you should all know that Naughty by Nature won a friggin grammy..who'da thunk?).
The 6th Category: Most Seaniest Matthews
This award goes to the man who most fully exemplifies the qualities of being Sean Matthews.
And the winner is........
Sean Matthews! Seriously, I don't know why they gave me this picture, but hey, when life give you lemons I guess...
With his trademark high socks and a booming voice that could make Mother Theresa climb out of her grave and raise the mutha-f**kin roof, Sean is one of DcCityBall's, and IntheVicinity's, favorite living-hangovers.
Good work Sean, and (SPOILER ALERT!) congrats on your upcoming Player of the Week honors.
Anyway, that's all for tonight. Thanks for watching, and come back for Part II to find out the night's biggest winners!
Till then, don't trip on that red carpet, and Play ball!
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