After a brief hiatus, we are back in action guys and dolls, with more DC city Softballebrities than ever, taking home big golden shiny statutes, in the shape of, I dunno, the FDR Memorial or something.
Let's get back to handing out some hardware with our next big category.
Most Aggressive Look
And the DEYPIE goes to...
Commissioner David Sack! Fed up with constant hounding of the DC paparazzo and unable to escape the weight of his own glitz and glamour, Dave Sack snapped and punched out an unsuspecting cameraman shortly after this one-photo-over-the-line picture was taken. "Are you ****in kidding me?! I said no more!" he was heard to say. Swingers players rushed to restrain the angry Commissioner as he shouted, "I just want to live in peace!" and "How'd you like it if I came and played softball in your home while you were trying to build model trains with YOUR son?!?!" Well said.
Let's move along.
This next award goes to the person who most properly summed up the sentiments of the evening within a capturable photographic frame.
Most Illustrative
And the winner is.....
Swinger Ryan Hemingway! When asked to comment on what he was thinking while striking such an evocative pose, Hemingway was heard to say things like, "YEEAAAAHHH" and "YEAH BOOOOYYYY" as well as, "I LOVE TO PARTAYYYYY, BIOTCH!" The Swingers pitcher also maintained that San Dimas High School football does, in fact, rule.
The next award is given out to the person who, in a supporting role, best exemplifies the qualities of being like, or impersonating Stancil.
Best Supporting Stancil goes to....
Swinger Salim! One of DcCityball and IntheVicinity's favorite on field motivators and toughest competitors, Salim would not be outdone by the stains on Stancil's shirt. Apparently that lunchbox was full of Spaghetti-Os and C4 explosives.
The right fielder, always looking for a challenge to conquer in the face of adversity, went home after the party and used his Extreme Tide-to-Go Stick to pretreat these stubborn stains "to the max," then unleashed the fury of his heavy duty cycle while using a Hardcore A-L-L All Stainlifter Supreme Ultra Concentrated detergent, restoring his championship t-shirt a, no doubt intense, sparkling white.
The next category is Cutest Couple, awarded to the two party attendees who made the most lasting, beautiful bond at the famed party. This award goes to two individuals, who I've never seen together before, but spent a LOT of time with one another throughout the evening, and really got to know each other intimately.
The winners are....
Bayside Tiger Brendan Quinn and...
the Garretts Barroom floor!
The unfortunate combination of poor balance and slick tiling ensured a harmonious and frequent union between these two crazy kids. Unfortunately, Brendan can't be here tonight to accept this award as he is currently on the floor at Garrett's upstairs bar.
The next award is the given to the person who, not with over-the-top flash or pizazz, but rather persistence and consistency of performance, made an ever-lasting impact on the outcome of the evening.
The
Kate of the Swingers! Yes, whether it be bustin a move on the dance floor, posing with the cup, or shooting a thumbs up to a teammate, Kate managed to appear in approximately 4,500 photos from Sunday night. That's around 8 out of every 10 pictures taken, in which Kate was thoroughly and efficiently rocking the house.
Here's Kate taking part in an impromtu DcCityBall business meeting.
Here she is with teammates Ryan and Melissa
Here she is..horizontal somehow..
And here she is signing the US Constitution
Good work Kate.
This next award goes to the photograph which seems least possible in matching up with with its reality. The Theres-No-Way-Anything-Could-Be-That-F**king-Funny Award goes to....
Stancil and Me. This photo was taken as someone said something just impossibly funny...or we were posing for a Virginia Slims advertisement.
Editor's note: This is just one of the many pictures in which I appear to be the living embodiment of unemployment, having gotten stung by a swarm of collagen-filled bees.
That brings us to our last, and most coveted of awards. The equivalent to Best Picture at the Oscars, Album of the Year at the Grammys, Most Chicken Wings Eaten at Rookies Sports Bar Wednesday Wingtacular, etc. Best DEYP Performance goes to....
Well...this party was such a good time, that in a way, we're ALL winners. But in a more accurate, and less lame way...the winners are
The Bayside Tigers!! From what I've heard and pieced together from photos, they were there from start to finish. Not an easy task by any means; that's just damn impressive. Congrats Bayside on another successful year.
Well that does it for the awards show. Hope everyone enjoyed it and that you all realize it was all in good fun -- no hard feelings.
Lastly, I've been told that I only gave one drunk speech at the party this year, making my speeches rate drop a full 800% from the previous party, but I have a few more things to say. Thanks again to all the players and fans of DcCityball, and all of you who take time out of your day to read this stuff.
Secondly, a special thanks to Dave Sack, without whom none of this would be possible... or it would just make me look like a random crazy guy who likes softball for some reason and has an out of context blog. Dave's hard work can't be extolled or appreciated enough ; he's quickly assembled one of DC's premier rec-sports leagues and I for one am really glad to be a part of it.
Thanks for reading guys, and thanks for your patience with the latest post. Check back later this week for a reflection on the Summer League Opening Weekend. Welcome to all new teams and welcome back to our old favorites.
Till next time, polish those statuettes and Play ball!
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