PLAYOFFS?! ITV Playoff Preview - Round 1

Slap on some Coppertone and chug that Cream Soda, its the 110 degree edition of IntheVicinity!

As nothing particularly notable happened during our final week of the regular season, lets get right to the playoffs. As promised, this will be the one and only, exclusive in-depth round-by-round, team-by-team, uncomfortable-homoerotic-celebration by uncomfortable-homoerotic-celebration PLAYOFF BREAKDOWN!

Now I know you're all saying to yourselves, "But you're an official. It would be a blatant conflict of interest for you to pick which teams will win. How is that any better than Tim Donaghy/Pete Rose/R. Kelly??"

My response: First of all, I think you've been grossly misinformed about the R. Kelly trial, it has little, if anything, to do with softball. Second, I will NOT be officiating ANY first round games this weekend, as I will not be in attendance due to a prior softball commitment (seriously, not a joke). Therefor I can say whatever the hell I want about the first round match ups. As for the rounds to follow, well, all my predictions/analysis will be based on the first round match ups, which may or may not come true, thus it's purely speculation on a potentially fictional scenario. Take that.
Thirdly, and lastly, some of you are probably thinking, "Hey this is a total Bill Simmons rip-off."
My response to that: Shut up. He didn't invent the Internet. Al Gore did. And he didn't invent choosing things. Monty Hall did. Eat it.

Now, on to the DcCityball Playoffs. To all teams: now is not the time to get sensitive. I've watched/officiated 90% of all DcCityball Softball games the past 3.5 years -- if I pick you to lose, well, you probably should lose, but it's nothing personal. Also, first round match ups are rarely competitive, so bring a book.

First Round:
AL East-
Cowbell v. Pourhowzers : Not much of a battle here. Cowbell has been ringing as of late, but the Pourhowzers, on the shoulders of an 8-0 season and timely, consistent hitting, should silence the noise. My pick: 23-5.MERCY RULE CANDIDATE

KBR v. Ligers: Two new teams, both out to prove that they can hang with the DC Elite. However, KBR has struggled against top teams, while the Ligers have improved each week since the season began. Featuring one of the leagues top pitchers, strong fundamental defense, and skills in magic, the Ligers remind this ump of a young Bloop Singles team. Ligers 17, KBR 6.

Gang Green v. Wide Stances : Interesting match up here, because it may prove to be the first round's lone upset. Gang Green really gelled last week, winning both installments of a day/later-that-day double-header, while Wide Stances looked lost this weekend against More Cowbell. IF, and this is a big if, as the playoffs have a tendency to bring out a lot of unfamiliar, highly talented players (we call them ringers), the Gang Green of last week plays the Wide Stances of last week, Gang Green wins 14-9.

Ace of Basehits v. Swingers : Ace of Basehits hasn't played up to expectations (or the awesomeness of their name/uniforms) as of late, and the Swingers always come to play when its really on the line. If regular SS Carey Ingram returns, allowing Sam to move back to the outfield, and if pitcher Ryan Hemingway continues to rake at the plate, the Swingers should easily defeat Sweden's best. Final Score: 20-9.

AL West-
Liquid Courage v. Bloop Singles : On paper, there's not much of a battle here. Unfortunately for Liquid Courage, there's not much of a battle here in any medium -- clay, sand, and especially not softball field. Bloop's starting pitcher Ari (sp?) has been successful all year with his knuckle-ball, getting over-anxious hitters to pop out time after time. Bloop's offense has been impressive and should carry them further into the playoffs than previous years. Bloop 21, LC 4. MERCY RULE CANDIDATE

Summer of George v. Perfect Strangers : Frankly I don't recognize many of the Strangers' (no pun intended...) players despite the fact that they've been in the league for as long as I have. But, this is a good thing, as the Strangers of years past have been vulnerable to forfeits, even in the playoffs. These new players seem to be showing up and playing quite well, as they've earned a 7-1 record. No contest here, as unfortunately, The Summer of George's fate is now inextricably linked to that of their namesake -- at home on the couch after round 1, eating bulk-cheese in their respective sweatpants, screaming at the TV. Strangers 19, SOG 2. MERCY RULE CANDIDATE

Team Lucky v. Diamond Cutters : This game will depend on the umpires interpretation of ASA pitching rules. The Diamond Cutters have had troubles adhering to the legal pitch requirements and could be in for a drawn out walk-fest. Still, Lucky has had issues with offensive consistency. Should be a close one -- 13-10, Diamond Cutters win.

Giant Pandas v. Sharks : This is perhaps the most intriguing match up if it occurred for real in nature. I think both battles have the same result -- Sharks strike early, and the Pandas fall victim. Hopefully, the use of softballs and bats, rather than teeth and claws, results in a great deal less blood, bamboo, and crying children. Sharks 14-10.


NL East-
Square Pegs v. Masterbatters : Square Pegs haven't pulled off a win yet this season, and I don't expect they'll get it against the former Summer and Fall League Champs. MB 25, SPegs 3. MERCY RULE CANDIDATE

McKlovins v. Blue Team : While the Blue Team suffered an unexpected loss this past week, I don't expect history to repeat itself. Blue Team should win this game with a superior fundamental skill set. Better pitching, better hitting, and consistent fielding. (Note: not ONE super-bad joke ALL SEASON LONG. HI-FIVE) Blue Team rolls 22-7, but this one might go 7.

Scared Hitless v. Myoclonic Jerks : I haven't seen much of Scared Hitless this spring, but from what I remember from the fall, they should give the Jerks a run for their money. The Jerks will need Brian to be selective at the plate, and keep the ball between outfielders, and for first baseman Bill to come to the plate with runners on base. Scared Hitless needs to avoid getting into a word-war with the Jerks' outspoken pitcher. My prediction: a minor upset as Scared Hitless takes down the Jerks 15-12.

Crusher Destroyer v. AAR : AAR has been, at times, as inconsistent at the plate inning-to-inning as they've been with team names, year-to-year. They have the potential to score 10 in the 1st inning, but also the potential to go silent for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th. Still, they're bound to have at least one inning of offensive pyrotechnics, and the upstart C-D team just doesn't have the firepower to keep pace. AAR wins 23-10.

NL West-
Free Agents v. Bayside Tigers : Not even the Free Agents' being disqualified due to forfeiting can stop the Tigers from scoring some runs on this phantom-team. (Seriously, I never even saw their uniforms...are we sure Dave didn't just imagine this guys?) Regardless, Bayside cruises 385-0. BOOK IT.

Springfield Isotopes v. Madcows : This is a tough one to call, as a couple of the Isotopes' losses are from forfeits. Assuming both teams come to play, with their rostered players, it should be a close one. The Cows can score some runs, but can they consistently make plays in the field? My best guess: Isotopes tip the Cows 12-9.

CSU Rams v. Potomac River Ducks : Will the Ducks show up? I haven't seen them play in like 3 weeks. If they do, they should cruise. I really thought that PRD would make a strong run at the title this season, but roster issues have lead to an unimpressive 5-3 record. Still, they have the firepower to mercy rule the Rams. Ducks 24, CSU 5. MERCY RULE CANDIDATE

Stiff Competition v. ODB : ODB should roll pretty easily in this first round. It will be interesting to see though, how the team responds to stiffER competition in round 2. ODB 17-5.


That's all for round one. Round two match-ups and predictions will be posted soon. Regardless of who wins/loses, we always hope to see some teams stick around and watch your friends/league-mates play on. All teams are invited to the championship game extravaganza, and the following party, so we hope to see you all there.

Till next time, hide your red cups, and show no mercy...before the 5th inning.

Good luck, and play ball!