Folks, we were told there'd be nachos.....
My lord, it's going on Thursday already with no post! I tell you, folks, jobs are for suckers, and poor people.
There are some things to be said, yes, many things to be said indeed. Sadly, few of them are about softball.
On the bright(er) side, there are two interesting points of...well...interest, I suppose, regarding this past weekend's events. No, I was not interested in the shellackings handed out by Bayside and the Masterbatters, nor did the AAR smackdown on a flat Blue Team set my soul ablaze...No, this weekend wasn't as exciting as I'd hoped -- but what the balls?! There were two great games! And two is better than none, my grandma always told me -- well one of them did...the other was a little dull in the numerals department.
What two games you ask? Well the two games I'm 'bout to describe, silly!
For the first game, let me set the stage: It's Saturday night and Swingers center fielder/sluggernaut Evan Stancil is sitting at home in his posh Jr. 1 bedroom apartment wearing his best gold and navy velour tracksuit. Stancil,
(in)famously prone to injury in seemingly innocent circumstances has been relegated to his home, under house arrest, during all pre-game evenings for the rest of the year by Swingers manager Liz.
So Evan, or Stancy-Thigpen, as his friends call him (Stancy Pelosi, for our politically sharp readers), is relaxing on his Target futon, watching a rare, but un-not-watchable 24-hour Quantum Leap marathon, drinking Tampico and Gin spritzers and stuffing his face with Raisinets, when a giant brown calamity crashes through his paper thin living/bed/bathroom wall.
There, staring eye-to-glazed-eye with Stancil is the notorious man-killer/Raisinet lover -- the American Grizzly Bear.
ROAR! the bear yells as Evan runs away, as far as one can run in a 12x14 apartment, replying "Please no! Not even I can get injured in my own apartment, eating delicious chocolate covered raisins in my finest velour apparel!"
The bear didn't even wait for Evan to complete his plea -- he swiped at the yellow and red candy jacket in Evan's left hand with unspeakable [unleashed] fury and speed, stealing the sweet treats, and subsequently severing Stancil's hand off at the wrist.
The bear was later spotted riding the 96 bus through Adam's Morgan, and was eventually identified as Justin Kolikoff and 3 other Pourhowzers in a poorly constructed rental costume.
Flash forward to Sunday's game, where the suddenly sullen, detached Swingers took on the red-hot, feel-good Ligers in a rematch of this year's midseason tie. The Swingers took the field early, as suggested by a certain blogmaster, to take infield, but were conspicuously quiet. Where was the chatter? Where was the camaraderie? Where have my Swingers gone, dear friend? The Swingers who enjoyed winning more than they dreaded losing? The loose, scrappy team who won games with solid all-around play instead of blinding speed or chest-hair-straightening power? Where had they gone?
They were nowhere to be found, until some time in the 5th inning....Captain Liz drove in a pair of runs with a double to left field and the bench went wild. The Swingers would bat around that inning, which featured a hook-handed Evan Stancil lumbering around the bases like he was being chased by ghosts, as the Swingers piled on runs against the unsuspecting Ligers. The cheers spouted freely that inning -- the Swingers were exorcising their demons. Dave Sack would cap the game off in the 7th with a single-motion outfield assist to third base that Tom Emanski would have been proud of...
The Swingers had their swagger back, and they cruised 17-8.
Game two has a less interesting back-story but featured the IntheVicinity Performance of the Week Award winner(s)!......Ladies and Gentlemen, THE WIDE STANCES!
Sure I may have written them off (not really, I'm just a Gang Green fan) and sure they lost to the Pourhowzers....but come on, what a gutsy team they were this week. They had the defending NL champs on the ropes all game long, as it took a few spectacular plays and Howzers captain Justin Kolikoff setting fire to several Wide Stance automobilies/pets for the guys in green to come out on top over the underdog Stances squad.
High applaus for the Wide Stances!
So yeah I may be giving the Howzers a hard time this week....but I like to...so whatever.
Anyway, it's getting late and now that you're caught up with what's happened so far in the playoffs you can rest this evening, with visions of Stancil dancing in your heads. Keep your eyes out for my End of the Season Party Survival Guide, to be posted over Friday and Saturday. Please, for the sake of all those involved, yourself included, read the guide, and follow its teachings....or you might end up unleashing the fury all over Hu's Shoes.
Till then, how bout a little chatter?
-Play ball!
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